R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize