started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
i now understand why vodka
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
