i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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