Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
