just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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