Plan B is the new Plan A
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
