I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
