1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
