Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
