my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
