You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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