who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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