just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
