I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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