even my farts smell like vagina
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
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