the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
