glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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