I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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