sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
