I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
