K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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