Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
