She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
