I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
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