I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
