Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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