We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
