Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
