Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
