I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
The air taste purple.
Randomize
