I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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