dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
