I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
