I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Randomize
