dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize