i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
