i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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