Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
