I feel like I'm in dance class right now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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