didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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