i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
