you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
