Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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