yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
