boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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