I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
