I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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