Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
