i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
