in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
