Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
