he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
