Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
