yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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