the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
