capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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