We won't sleep together?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
