I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
