As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
