OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
