fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
