Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
