I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
