i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
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