we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
