he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize