Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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