first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
