worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
