Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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