He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
