i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
