As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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