Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
