there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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