Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
