I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
