First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
