I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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