"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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